This is what I do on my day off. Woo.
A. What are your favourite smells?
Coffee, pumpkin anything, the earth after it rains, fresh laundry, paint (yeah that's weird) and certain kinds of plastic...
B. Can you go a whole day without caffeine?
Could you go a whole day without oxygen?
C. Who knows more about you than anyone else?
My mom. And my friend Ian..he could blackmail me so hard you guys.
D. What song did you last listen to?
"Comforting Sounds" by Mew. It's playing as I type this and I know I've been talking about this song a ton lately (this song speaks to me y'all) , but I will never get over how much of a masterpiece it is. Nine minutes full of aching emotion, and the most honest lyrics ever and it's perfect. Makes me wanna cry but leaves me hopeful all at once. Never gets old. You know when people ask you what's your favorite song? This is probably mine. It's a song for a lifetime.
E. Do you have a crush on anybody?
Nope.
F. Do you like The Beatles?
Yes. Matter of fact, I had Across the Universe on repeat yesterday.
G. If you could choose one color to wear for a whole year, what color would you choose?
Ooh. White? We all start the years with a blank slate and dream of what they'll look like in December, so I feel like if I wore white...I would see the wear and tear of the year at the end. This is probably a super deep response to a simple question.
H. Do you cook often?
All the time.
I. What was the last film you watched? Did you like it?
I watched "Renoir" the other day- it's a Gilles Bourdos film. It's a love story set in 1915 on the French Riviera, good plot, but mostly the scenery and lighting really make the film. Also, this made me wish I spoke French. What a beautiful language!
J. Can you sew?
I mean, I can hem pants and skirts and sew buttons and stuff
K. What is your favorite fruit?
Depends. I'm on a blueberry kick right now
L. Are you health conscious?
I am SO health conscious and my family hates me for it- I'm super anal about what I eat now and if I eat junk food I make sure I work off those calories. Excessive reading of labels? Guilty as charged.
M. Go do the Kinsey scale test, what number result did you receive?
0
N. Do you curse a lot?
Nah. We have a whole dictionary- there are other ways to get the point across. However, words slip out here and they're. Woops.
O. When was the last time you had a pint of beer?
Friday night. It was Shock Top's pumpkin brew, and it was really good actually.
P. Are you pro life or pro choice?
I am as liberal as they come, but this is my one issue that I am staunchly conservative on. Pro-life.
Q. Is there a certain food you often crave for no reason?
Pizza because PIZZA
R. What was the last book you purchased?
"Radical" by David Platt. Still gotta get to it though.
S. Where was your last vacation?
I went to Richmond in June for my friend's wedding, so yeah.
T. Do you shave your pits?
um, yes.
U. Did you ever play seven minutes in heaven?
I actually don't know what this is
V. Girls, when was the last time you went out without a bra?
Never. I just can't because the cold is real.
W. Guys, when was the last time you went shirtless in public?
N/A
X. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how did it happen?
My ankle...fell off the monkey bars. ):
Y. How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled
Z. What was your last argument about and who with?
My sister, as always, and it was because I drew on her face while she slept. Haha.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
no mirrors
Ever since I moved back from New York I've spent a lot of time alone. I never really clicked with the people that I went to high school with, and for the most part, there aren't a lot of (sane) young singles where I live, so my social life is pretty non existent..which I'm okay with. No company is better than bad company y'all.
I don't know why but I know that we as humans have a weird innate need to have people around us because we all need to know that we belong and are approved of, etc.
Sometimes being alone for a while is a really good thing. Few things are purer than loneliness, and time on your own really lets you discover who you are for real, when no one else is looking and no one is influencing you or approving or disapproving.
I don't have much else to say other than I really recommend this. We are scrambling like crazy to 'be' but aren't taking the time to 'become'...which is just as important.
(In other news, I start bible school in August, and throwing that on top of everything else, I will be busaaay for a while. Pray for me you guys! Looking forward to being immersed with Jesus knowledge. I'm finally getting used to you again, NC.)
I don't know why but I know that we as humans have a weird innate need to have people around us because we all need to know that we belong and are approved of, etc.
Sometimes being alone for a while is a really good thing. Few things are purer than loneliness, and time on your own really lets you discover who you are for real, when no one else is looking and no one is influencing you or approving or disapproving.
I don't have much else to say other than I really recommend this. We are scrambling like crazy to 'be' but aren't taking the time to 'become'...which is just as important.
(In other news, I start bible school in August, and throwing that on top of everything else, I will be busaaay for a while. Pray for me you guys! Looking forward to being immersed with Jesus knowledge. I'm finally getting used to you again, NC.)
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
two thirty six
We all think we're so different but really, we are all just looking for the same things. Maybe in different variations, but we all want the same things. We really aren't as different as we think we are. The things that may change if we realized that.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
selective reading
This is particularly hard to write.
Where did we go wrong?
As the daughter of a pastor, the church very much has been and will always be the best thing in my life...but in light of several events in recent memory, I'm not even angry- just really disappointed. Last night I was reading in Matthew and I just saw Jesus come alive on the page, and his undying and unconditional love and belief in us was as beautiful as ever.
But why have 'believers' today thought that its okay to pick and choose what parts of the Bible we can believe or not? Who are we to think we can read and highlight the parts that support our lifestyles so that our consciences' can sleep with one eye open and disregard the rest to not only cheat ourselves of fullness of life in Christ but even worse- attack a fellow human being in the name of self proclaimed self-righteousness?
It's become very evident in the media that 'christians' are now seen in a negative light- we're seen as bigots, fanatics, zealots, backwards inbreds (never got this one), close minded conservatives (Disclaimer: I am not a conservative...you all knew that, but I am sick of people questioning my love for my savior out of my political stances. Anyways.) But it now has seemed that everyone can speak except for 'christians' because of such hostile views..
Where did we go wrong?
To be a Christian is to be Christ-like. Who was Jesus anyways? He loved unconditionally. He hung out with 12 rejects of the system and made them his friends. He taught us to do everything out of love because He is love. He gave everyone everything expecting nothing in return, knowing we had done nothing to earn His love and knowing that we could never do anything to pay him back. He was a King yet the gospels tell us that He "didn't have a place to lay his head." The King of all was homeless...doesn't look too much like Christians who have tried to merge belief with the American dream. (Which is why I don't buy the health and wealth teachings...I think if Jesus was truly concerned with a house in the suburbs and a 401k he woulda been born into a similar social circle himself, right? But no.)
He was love...and in love, everything changes. We can't expect to impose our beliefs on others thinking we're holier than thou and expect anything...we need to talk less and love more. Who are we to think we can reinvent God in our image? We need to encounter the real Jesus all over again and fall in love. Yes- we need to love everyone regardless of their beliefs, lives and flaws because you may seem alright but we're all flawed, don't lie.
God wants all of us or none of us...sometimes what we read may in His word may contradict us and we can't ignore it...contradiction is good because it means that I'm still in repair and even though I think I'm right I might not be and isn't it healthy for us to hear that we're wrong sometimes?
We need a true revolution in the church...it blows my mind that people who claim Christ speak so much hate. (And to see 'believers' be so adamant that they're right bothers me.) We all make mistakes- some more visible than others, but all of our faults are there. We are all made of the same flesh and bones and arms and eyes and hearts...we're no better than our brother. I pray everyday that people that I come into contact with me see His love radiate and not me...trust me guys. Read the Gospels. I want to be like that. I want to be just like Jesus.
I dream of a day when the church becomes synonymous with love.
Where did we go wrong?
Where did we go wrong?
As the daughter of a pastor, the church very much has been and will always be the best thing in my life...but in light of several events in recent memory, I'm not even angry- just really disappointed. Last night I was reading in Matthew and I just saw Jesus come alive on the page, and his undying and unconditional love and belief in us was as beautiful as ever.
But why have 'believers' today thought that its okay to pick and choose what parts of the Bible we can believe or not? Who are we to think we can read and highlight the parts that support our lifestyles so that our consciences' can sleep with one eye open and disregard the rest to not only cheat ourselves of fullness of life in Christ but even worse- attack a fellow human being in the name of self proclaimed self-righteousness?
It's become very evident in the media that 'christians' are now seen in a negative light- we're seen as bigots, fanatics, zealots, backwards inbreds (never got this one), close minded conservatives (Disclaimer: I am not a conservative...you all knew that, but I am sick of people questioning my love for my savior out of my political stances. Anyways.) But it now has seemed that everyone can speak except for 'christians' because of such hostile views..
Where did we go wrong?
To be a Christian is to be Christ-like. Who was Jesus anyways? He loved unconditionally. He hung out with 12 rejects of the system and made them his friends. He taught us to do everything out of love because He is love. He gave everyone everything expecting nothing in return, knowing we had done nothing to earn His love and knowing that we could never do anything to pay him back. He was a King yet the gospels tell us that He "didn't have a place to lay his head." The King of all was homeless...doesn't look too much like Christians who have tried to merge belief with the American dream. (Which is why I don't buy the health and wealth teachings...I think if Jesus was truly concerned with a house in the suburbs and a 401k he woulda been born into a similar social circle himself, right? But no.)
He was love...and in love, everything changes. We can't expect to impose our beliefs on others thinking we're holier than thou and expect anything...we need to talk less and love more. Who are we to think we can reinvent God in our image? We need to encounter the real Jesus all over again and fall in love. Yes- we need to love everyone regardless of their beliefs, lives and flaws because you may seem alright but we're all flawed, don't lie.
God wants all of us or none of us...sometimes what we read may in His word may contradict us and we can't ignore it...contradiction is good because it means that I'm still in repair and even though I think I'm right I might not be and isn't it healthy for us to hear that we're wrong sometimes?
We need a true revolution in the church...it blows my mind that people who claim Christ speak so much hate. (And to see 'believers' be so adamant that they're right bothers me.) We all make mistakes- some more visible than others, but all of our faults are there. We are all made of the same flesh and bones and arms and eyes and hearts...we're no better than our brother. I pray everyday that people that I come into contact with me see His love radiate and not me...trust me guys. Read the Gospels. I want to be like that. I want to be just like Jesus.
I dream of a day when the church becomes synonymous with love.
Where did we go wrong?
Friday, June 7, 2013
certain instabilities
It's not that I'm pessimistic or anything, because I'm not, but sometimes I have to be rational. I've always heard people say that the higher you climb the further you have to fall, and this can be applied to many aspects of life- love, careers, education, wealth, happiness, and anything that can be measured by success or lack thereof...
I think maybe the reason why so many people have a hard time being completely happy is because of the instability of happiness versus the certainty of sadness. A lot of us are guilty of putting walls up because we are all scared to death of falling, of letting someone down, of letting ourselves down, and ultimately of facing ourselves..
We need to be okay with letting ourselves feel that sadness and not feel like its a bad thing, because we're human and we feel things and why pretend to be perfectly fine if you know that you can't help it because life simply goes on and you have to deal with it, like the cliches that tell us that we need the bad to truly appreciate the good (and that's a whole other idea..how flawed are we as humans that we need bad to see good, anyways)...
I'm thankful that Christ is the source of my joy- and in my life, and hopefully in yours too, this fact is undeniable. It's a joy and a peace so perfect that I can't explain. He fills every void in my soul and I am forever grateful for that.
But we are all still human. And our souls are always involuntarily restless.
I think maybe the reason why so many people have a hard time being completely happy is because of the instability of happiness versus the certainty of sadness. A lot of us are guilty of putting walls up because we are all scared to death of falling, of letting someone down, of letting ourselves down, and ultimately of facing ourselves..
We need to be okay with letting ourselves feel that sadness and not feel like its a bad thing, because we're human and we feel things and why pretend to be perfectly fine if you know that you can't help it because life simply goes on and you have to deal with it, like the cliches that tell us that we need the bad to truly appreciate the good (and that's a whole other idea..how flawed are we as humans that we need bad to see good, anyways)...
I'm thankful that Christ is the source of my joy- and in my life, and hopefully in yours too, this fact is undeniable. It's a joy and a peace so perfect that I can't explain. He fills every void in my soul and I am forever grateful for that.
But we are all still human. And our souls are always involuntarily restless.
Monday, June 3, 2013
twenty one questions
I opened up my email today and found this there...and I didn't recognize the email address? But this looked like fun because I'm a sucker for these. So here we go.
1. Most comforting place, smell, sound and memory?
Place: my room/the woods
Smell: coffee/the earth after it rains
Sound: good jams...but in terms of comforting, something Mew/Bon Iver/old Coldplay will do
Memory: anything during the holidays. food+family is so comforting
2. Your ambitions as a child and your ambitions now
As a child: First, astronaut, then teacher
Now: No idea cause there is so much I wanna do. But it involves music/charity work/loving people/traveling/writing/loving Jesus
3. Biggest fear
Well, I'm terrified of heights. And another fear far too personal to speak of.
4. Qualities you would like in a partner (if you would like one)
Be musically inclined, be adventurous, love to travel, love people and invest in them, and most importantly, love Jesus with all your heart and soul. Like, someone who loves Jesus and everything about their life reflects it. Oh, and be willing to have a Star Wars marathon with me on command, because duh.
5. Traits you couldn’t put up with in a partner (if you would like one)
Guys with bad hygiene (like, you can't be trying to look good or whatever and have breath that could kill a horse), passive aggressiveness, impatience, and theres a ton. Oh, and don't be dumb. Have intelligence please.
6. What is the worst thing you have done to another person? (Let them down, lied, faked love etc)
I called someone something I shouldn't have and we didn't talk for a year. We made up later, but this friend passed away a few years back and I have regretted it more than anything because that was time with them I missed out on because of my stupidity.
7. What are your worst traits and features?
I'm really stubborn..I hate my teeth but not enough to drop 6k to fix them..
8. What are your best traits and features?
As much as I talk, I'm a really good listener. And I looooove my hair. Sorry not sorry.
9. How would you explain your idea of ‘true love’?
Christ has to be at the center for it, for he is love after all, and that's all I can really say since I've never felt in such a way...but I'm guessing it will be a gut feeling..?
10. The biggest mistake you’ve made.
Not done things sooner/better. Risk things and the payoff is huge.
11. Are you rational or more emotional?
Definitely emotional. I'm a feeler, and I love to feel things to the depths of my soul...things always make me cry or feel euphoric. But I am rational when necessary. We all need that balance of head and heart.
12. Do you think you’re very conscious of the feelings of others or more self oriented?
Without trying to sound like a saint or whatever I'm super conscious of others' feelings.. I can tell if you're alright or not without you uttering a word, and I'm always doubting myself if I'm doing enough to make sure the other person is happy. But people matter to me, and yes, I will go out of my way to put a smile on your face. I'm slowly learning that this life really loses meaning when it's about me.
13. Greatest achievement personally.
Moving to New York City. I was so young, and so scared, and I made a ton of mistakes but it was the best thing I had ever done. One day I will be back hopefully...
14. If you struggle to sleep at night, what do you do to try and soothe yourself to sleep?
HAHA I struggle so much at night...most nights I don't fall asleep til like, 3ish. My mind just goes into overdrive after midnight and I love having the world to myself so I will pick up my guitar, or play a chord progression on my keyboard in about 34 different sounds, and I will read, and write, sometimes I will watercolor, sometimes I will craft...sit on youtube..and I let myself be inspired. Eventually my eyes are like, stahp, so I sleep. Yeah...
15. What irritates you most about society?
Don't even get me started. But the #1 will definitely have to be intolerance. They may not look, think, dress, live like you, but just let them be. Be occupied enough with your own life that the differences of others don't bother you for crying out loud.
16. When you compliment someone, what do you tend to focus on? (Looks, intelligence, personality…)
Depends on the person or occasion. If we're good friends, then I'll compliment your killer taste in music or film, but if we just met, then I'll probably just tell you that that dress looks cute on you.
17. Think of your oldest friend. If you met them now do you think you would still become friends?
Of course. Nothing has changed a bit except for distance.
18. Something you love to do, but feel guilty about after/during?
I suffer from several digestive problems...so eating. Because I LOVE FOOD SO MUCH, but I know there are something I just shouldn't eat if I don't want to send myself into misery, but it's yummy so I eat it anyways.
19. Would you like children in the future. If so why?
Yes, because I hear it is such a life changing, monumental thing that is so hard, but so rewarding. Life is such a miracle! And I've always had strong maternal instincts.
And no. I am terrified of bringing a human being into the world in its current conditions...what if I'm not a good enough parent? How will I know if I'm doing good and not harm to them with how I parent them? Will they love me back?
Oh and I would LOVE to adopt. Like, its a must for me. Need money though!
20. Favorite bands/films?
OH BOY!
Bands: The National, Local Natives, Coldplay, Mew, Switchfoot, Bon Iver, The Beatles, Washed Out, Paper Route, Arcade Fire, Nada Surf, Sigur Ros, Florence + The Machine, to name a few....(there are 576 different artists in my iTunes library)
Films: Star Wars!! The Avengers, Les Miserables, Submarine, Pulp Fiction, Gladiator, Moonrise Kingdom, Mean Girls, Tree of Life, Schindler's List, Argo, Forrest Gump, Finding Nemo, and most all political/social commentary documentaries.
21. How do you manage your finances? What do you normally spend it on?
I refuse to get a credit card or take a loan out because I just can't spend money I don't have...make the best of what you do have, and live within your means. It really isn't that hard. And most of my money goes to food....and the rest to traveling/books/music/etc. I used to spend most of it on clothes but clothes isn't as satisfying.
1. Most comforting place, smell, sound and memory?
Place: my room/the woods
Smell: coffee/the earth after it rains
Sound: good jams...but in terms of comforting, something Mew/Bon Iver/old Coldplay will do
Memory: anything during the holidays. food+family is so comforting
2. Your ambitions as a child and your ambitions now
As a child: First, astronaut, then teacher
Now: No idea cause there is so much I wanna do. But it involves music/charity work/loving people/traveling/writing/loving Jesus
3. Biggest fear
Well, I'm terrified of heights. And another fear far too personal to speak of.
4. Qualities you would like in a partner (if you would like one)
Be musically inclined, be adventurous, love to travel, love people and invest in them, and most importantly, love Jesus with all your heart and soul. Like, someone who loves Jesus and everything about their life reflects it. Oh, and be willing to have a Star Wars marathon with me on command, because duh.
5. Traits you couldn’t put up with in a partner (if you would like one)
Guys with bad hygiene (like, you can't be trying to look good or whatever and have breath that could kill a horse), passive aggressiveness, impatience, and theres a ton. Oh, and don't be dumb. Have intelligence please.
6. What is the worst thing you have done to another person? (Let them down, lied, faked love etc)
I called someone something I shouldn't have and we didn't talk for a year. We made up later, but this friend passed away a few years back and I have regretted it more than anything because that was time with them I missed out on because of my stupidity.
7. What are your worst traits and features?
I'm really stubborn..I hate my teeth but not enough to drop 6k to fix them..
8. What are your best traits and features?
As much as I talk, I'm a really good listener. And I looooove my hair. Sorry not sorry.
9. How would you explain your idea of ‘true love’?
Christ has to be at the center for it, for he is love after all, and that's all I can really say since I've never felt in such a way...but I'm guessing it will be a gut feeling..?
10. The biggest mistake you’ve made.
Not done things sooner/better. Risk things and the payoff is huge.
11. Are you rational or more emotional?
Definitely emotional. I'm a feeler, and I love to feel things to the depths of my soul...things always make me cry or feel euphoric. But I am rational when necessary. We all need that balance of head and heart.
12. Do you think you’re very conscious of the feelings of others or more self oriented?
Without trying to sound like a saint or whatever I'm super conscious of others' feelings.. I can tell if you're alright or not without you uttering a word, and I'm always doubting myself if I'm doing enough to make sure the other person is happy. But people matter to me, and yes, I will go out of my way to put a smile on your face. I'm slowly learning that this life really loses meaning when it's about me.
13. Greatest achievement personally.
Moving to New York City. I was so young, and so scared, and I made a ton of mistakes but it was the best thing I had ever done. One day I will be back hopefully...
14. If you struggle to sleep at night, what do you do to try and soothe yourself to sleep?
HAHA I struggle so much at night...most nights I don't fall asleep til like, 3ish. My mind just goes into overdrive after midnight and I love having the world to myself so I will pick up my guitar, or play a chord progression on my keyboard in about 34 different sounds, and I will read, and write, sometimes I will watercolor, sometimes I will craft...sit on youtube..and I let myself be inspired. Eventually my eyes are like, stahp, so I sleep. Yeah...
15. What irritates you most about society?
Don't even get me started. But the #1 will definitely have to be intolerance. They may not look, think, dress, live like you, but just let them be. Be occupied enough with your own life that the differences of others don't bother you for crying out loud.
16. When you compliment someone, what do you tend to focus on? (Looks, intelligence, personality…)
Depends on the person or occasion. If we're good friends, then I'll compliment your killer taste in music or film, but if we just met, then I'll probably just tell you that that dress looks cute on you.
17. Think of your oldest friend. If you met them now do you think you would still become friends?
Of course. Nothing has changed a bit except for distance.
18. Something you love to do, but feel guilty about after/during?
I suffer from several digestive problems...so eating. Because I LOVE FOOD SO MUCH, but I know there are something I just shouldn't eat if I don't want to send myself into misery, but it's yummy so I eat it anyways.
19. Would you like children in the future. If so why?
Yes, because I hear it is such a life changing, monumental thing that is so hard, but so rewarding. Life is such a miracle! And I've always had strong maternal instincts.
And no. I am terrified of bringing a human being into the world in its current conditions...what if I'm not a good enough parent? How will I know if I'm doing good and not harm to them with how I parent them? Will they love me back?
Oh and I would LOVE to adopt. Like, its a must for me. Need money though!
20. Favorite bands/films?
OH BOY!
Bands: The National, Local Natives, Coldplay, Mew, Switchfoot, Bon Iver, The Beatles, Washed Out, Paper Route, Arcade Fire, Nada Surf, Sigur Ros, Florence + The Machine, to name a few....(there are 576 different artists in my iTunes library)
Films: Star Wars!! The Avengers, Les Miserables, Submarine, Pulp Fiction, Gladiator, Moonrise Kingdom, Mean Girls, Tree of Life, Schindler's List, Argo, Forrest Gump, Finding Nemo, and most all political/social commentary documentaries.
21. How do you manage your finances? What do you normally spend it on?
I refuse to get a credit card or take a loan out because I just can't spend money I don't have...make the best of what you do have, and live within your means. It really isn't that hard. And most of my money goes to food....and the rest to traveling/books/music/etc. I used to spend most of it on clothes but clothes isn't as satisfying.
beautiful world
The other morning I went to Raleigh with my dad, and since it was a morning drive and I'm the queen of all copilots since I talk a lot and never sleep I tagged along. Gotta make sure he didn't drift off.
Since I am currently unemployed I have literally no fixed schedule really. I can do what I want when I want. Which can be really bad sometimes but anyways. But more often than not I wake up after like, 9 or 10 so rarely do I see a sunrise...and this was the first one I had seen in a long time and just watching it made my usual chatterbox self sit still and silently in awe...because the colors were stunning and the clouds were warm and inviting and looked like cotton candy and the colors ebbed and flowed until we got a perfect shade of what looked like that multi flavor sorbet that you see at the grocery store...
And then my dad started asking a million questions..
Why is the sun up at like, 5:45?
How does the earth literally spin?
How is it that trees flawlessly respond to the changes in sunlight while we humans go absolutely berserk and sometimes go into 'depression' over lack there of?
Isn't it funny that the sun we see now is the same one we share with the other 7 billion people on this planet? Why can't we do that with everything else?
(Yes, I know all these questions have scientific answers, but sometimes we just need to let ourselves marvel at things)
If we have a sun, that must mean there are a million other suns, and stars and moons and planets and galaxies and we're literally a speck (like the who's!) floating amidst this massive universe...
We live in such a beautiful world. Einstein I believe it was that said that the more he studied the universe the more he believed in a higher power...which is so true. That morning I couldn't help but just sit in complete awe and reverence of our creator...He is so powerful that He merely SPOKE and we get this beautiful world. He is the master artist and this is all but a tiny bit of a reflection of who He is which must mean He is so much greater and more beautiful than I could ever fathom... mind=blown...
Like why is everything the color that it is? Why aren't trees blue and skies green? A week ago I was running and I saw some wildflowers in the forest so I walked into the forest and everything there lives in this total perfect harmony...
Don't you love the beauty of everything when it rains? Trees look like they're covered in crystals, pavement shines like silver (Les Mis, yo), and the blanket of gray above makes everything so much cozier? I'm rain's biggest fan. Like right now. It is pouring outside and I wanna go run barefoot in it so badly but I'll refrain since its 1 am...
The oceans...when I think about the absolute massiveness of the oceans I have to stop thinking before I kinda start to lose it...isn't it crazy that there are depths we have yet to go? The oceans are always moving...they fill us with wonder while we stare from the shoreline but can destroy us with their power in the blink of an eye. And isn't it true that most of the world's animal species reside in the ocean? These are probably reasons why so many people write songs about the ocean...its so mysterious and that's cheesy but so true...
But from ocean depths we go to the heights of mountains...and you stand on top and look down and feel like you're a part of it all...living here in NC the Blue Ridge Parkway is where it's at..and theyre also so massive and remind me how small I am, like literally...
All of this is interconnected in perfect rhythms.....and my mind wants to explode thinking about the fact that the human race is lucky to experience life on such a beautiful planet....I'm done, gonna go hug a tree now cause why not.
Since I am currently unemployed I have literally no fixed schedule really. I can do what I want when I want. Which can be really bad sometimes but anyways. But more often than not I wake up after like, 9 or 10 so rarely do I see a sunrise...and this was the first one I had seen in a long time and just watching it made my usual chatterbox self sit still and silently in awe...because the colors were stunning and the clouds were warm and inviting and looked like cotton candy and the colors ebbed and flowed until we got a perfect shade of what looked like that multi flavor sorbet that you see at the grocery store...
And then my dad started asking a million questions..
Why is the sun up at like, 5:45?
How does the earth literally spin?
How is it that trees flawlessly respond to the changes in sunlight while we humans go absolutely berserk and sometimes go into 'depression' over lack there of?
Isn't it funny that the sun we see now is the same one we share with the other 7 billion people on this planet? Why can't we do that with everything else?
(Yes, I know all these questions have scientific answers, but sometimes we just need to let ourselves marvel at things)
If we have a sun, that must mean there are a million other suns, and stars and moons and planets and galaxies and we're literally a speck (like the who's!) floating amidst this massive universe...
We live in such a beautiful world. Einstein I believe it was that said that the more he studied the universe the more he believed in a higher power...which is so true. That morning I couldn't help but just sit in complete awe and reverence of our creator...He is so powerful that He merely SPOKE and we get this beautiful world. He is the master artist and this is all but a tiny bit of a reflection of who He is which must mean He is so much greater and more beautiful than I could ever fathom... mind=blown...
Like why is everything the color that it is? Why aren't trees blue and skies green? A week ago I was running and I saw some wildflowers in the forest so I walked into the forest and everything there lives in this total perfect harmony...
Don't you love the beauty of everything when it rains? Trees look like they're covered in crystals, pavement shines like silver (Les Mis, yo), and the blanket of gray above makes everything so much cozier? I'm rain's biggest fan. Like right now. It is pouring outside and I wanna go run barefoot in it so badly but I'll refrain since its 1 am...
The oceans...when I think about the absolute massiveness of the oceans I have to stop thinking before I kinda start to lose it...isn't it crazy that there are depths we have yet to go? The oceans are always moving...they fill us with wonder while we stare from the shoreline but can destroy us with their power in the blink of an eye. And isn't it true that most of the world's animal species reside in the ocean? These are probably reasons why so many people write songs about the ocean...its so mysterious and that's cheesy but so true...
But from ocean depths we go to the heights of mountains...and you stand on top and look down and feel like you're a part of it all...living here in NC the Blue Ridge Parkway is where it's at..and theyre also so massive and remind me how small I am, like literally...
All of this is interconnected in perfect rhythms.....and my mind wants to explode thinking about the fact that the human race is lucky to experience life on such a beautiful planet....I'm done, gonna go hug a tree now cause why not.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
the song and dance
So I stumbled upon the following earlier and it reaaaaaally got me thinking (please watch it):
If I'm honest with myself, I've always been a free spirit. I've always gone with my gut for the most part and I wanna to roam along life. I've always known that I can't stay in one place, whether physically or mentally. After I watched this...how flawed is our society's notion of 'success'? Mr. Watts likens life to a musical composition- the end isn't the focal point. (I feel like the end point of music is always like a summation or a continuation- and isn't life like that too?) But sadly, we've been taught to work for that end goal of money, success, etc and who even knows what that end is for sure! It's never been guaranteed but somehow the school-> college -> job, etc model is the one that's socially accepted...and don't get me wrong, I have nothing against education at all, I believe its fully essential to our world, but something in me thinks that it isn't for everyone. Like some of us weren't built to follow that socially acceptable model- some of us have different paths and we need to realize that that's totally okay too because we can still contribute to this society... and because in the end all that matters is that we 'sang and danced while the music was being played.'
I would hate to wake up when I'm 40 and feel disillusioned wondering if this job after years and years of training was it and I feel like I wouldn't be happy with my job then if I was forced to decide on something with my 20-some mental state. Like I feel like we are supposed to change...even if its just a little bit because we're supposed to be constantly learning and again, I know some people have callings and things they are made to do, but we can't brainwash everyone into thinking that it's the corporate ladder or bust.
I probably write this because I'm 20 and these are the years that I'm supposed to be fighting it out and growing and I have to allow myself to continually grow instead of being like, okay, this is the goal and we cant change it and you have to do it because your family said so/ its financial security/ it looks good.
Life is a song and dance...we're supposed to enjoy it while we're in the moment, not rush through it and finally see what we missed in those previous measure when we're at the end.
I really like that analogy. Life is a song. And none of this makes sense...
If I'm honest with myself, I've always been a free spirit. I've always gone with my gut for the most part and I wanna to roam along life. I've always known that I can't stay in one place, whether physically or mentally. After I watched this...how flawed is our society's notion of 'success'? Mr. Watts likens life to a musical composition- the end isn't the focal point. (I feel like the end point of music is always like a summation or a continuation- and isn't life like that too?) But sadly, we've been taught to work for that end goal of money, success, etc and who even knows what that end is for sure! It's never been guaranteed but somehow the school-> college -> job, etc model is the one that's socially accepted...and don't get me wrong, I have nothing against education at all, I believe its fully essential to our world, but something in me thinks that it isn't for everyone. Like some of us weren't built to follow that socially acceptable model- some of us have different paths and we need to realize that that's totally okay too because we can still contribute to this society... and because in the end all that matters is that we 'sang and danced while the music was being played.'
I would hate to wake up when I'm 40 and feel disillusioned wondering if this job after years and years of training was it and I feel like I wouldn't be happy with my job then if I was forced to decide on something with my 20-some mental state. Like I feel like we are supposed to change...even if its just a little bit because we're supposed to be constantly learning and again, I know some people have callings and things they are made to do, but we can't brainwash everyone into thinking that it's the corporate ladder or bust.
I probably write this because I'm 20 and these are the years that I'm supposed to be fighting it out and growing and I have to allow myself to continually grow instead of being like, okay, this is the goal and we cant change it and you have to do it because your family said so/ its financial security/ it looks good.
Life is a song and dance...we're supposed to enjoy it while we're in the moment, not rush through it and finally see what we missed in those previous measure when we're at the end.
I really like that analogy. Life is a song. And none of this makes sense...
Monday, May 13, 2013
mind islands
For the most part, I'm a huge people person but lately I feel like I just can't connect with people and it may be because of my location, my age, and other factors but I feel like mainly this is because I'm finally starting to be honest with myself. It's not that I feel lonely or anything but I just feel isolated in a way. Everyone I know has at least one thing in their life that they're doing to please someone but I have just stopped caring and I am now doing things that I want because I want them and that may be selfish but its the most freeing thing ever. Like I travel because I want to, I create things because I like them (as a musician, this has helped me immensely because sometimes our good tastes don't allow us to create what we want because we don't think its as good as what were listening to) I wear what I want because I feel good in it, etc. Yeah, I'm a weirdo. Yeah, I have a different way of seeing things. But it's how I see them and I was given these eyes so I could see the world myself the way I want to. I think we all need to stop comparing ourselves because we don't realize how much we are robbing ourselves of being the best 'me' we can be by looking at those around us. (That doesn't mean I don't draw inspiration from others..ah I'm confusing myself now) I'm being honest to me, and I have honestly never been happier in my life, and this is such a narcissistic blog post but whatever.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
the last song
#Boredom.
I've been hit with quite the cold so I haven't left my house since Sunday..anyways.
I love me a good album closer. I'm a sucker for epic, bombastic ones too. And for a while I've been wanting to compile a list of my favorite ones. I like making lists.
So, here we go. In no particular order. (With videos! Most of them being live performances because live performances RULE)
"I don't wanna battle from beginning to end/ I don't wanna cycle on recycled revenge/ I don't wanna follow death and all of his friends"
Chris Martin sings this at the top of his lungs, and those words speak volumes about our innate goodness...beautiful album closer. Musically, I love all the dynamics in here, that riff in the middle that makes you feel loss and beauty all at once.
#9: The Suburbs (Continued)- Arcade Fire (Album: The Suburbs)
"If I could have it back/ All the time that we wasted/ I'd only waste it again/...
Sometimes I can't believe it/ I'm moving past the feeling..."
It's a minute and a half long but there is no other song really that embodies nostalgia as well as this one. I will probably listen to this on my porch when I'm 67 and cry and remember how much fun I had 'wasting time' while I was young. Great end to a great concept album.
#8: Friend of Ours- Elbow (Album: The Seldom Seen Kid)
"Never very good at goodbyes/ so gentle, shoulder charge/ love you mate."
You can just feel Guy Garvey's pain when he sings this. This song also helped a mourning of mine as well...but this song is just so beautiful. Thank you England for giving us Elbow.
#7: Louise Louisa- Mew (Album: And the Glass Handed Kites)
"I'm a car/ I don't know where we are headed for/ Stay with me/ don't want to be alone"
First of all, Mew is the king of album closers. They're all so good! But this one is amazing. Another ending to a concept album (this album is one continual piece really) but THIS. SONG. The drum solo (at the 3 minute mark!), the floating vocals. The end, especially in this performance of it, literally leaves me in tears because its so beautiful. God Bless Denmark.
#6: City of Black and White- Mat Kearney (Album: City of Black and White)
"I don't wanna wait until tomorrow/ to tell you how I'll feel the rest of my life"
In all honesty, I love the song, but the outro (3:45 to the end) is too epic for words. I remember one time listening to this while sitting on my roof when I was still living in Brooklyn and it was one of those magical moments. Looking out at the best city in the world with this chance-esque music playing. Beautiful.
#5: Where I Belong- Switchfoot (Album: Vice Verses)
"This body's not my own/ This world is not my home"
Musically, this song is a little bland, but lyrically, OH MY this song has single handedly made me wanna get tatted up. Because I wanna take these words to my grave. IMO, one of the best songs ever written, I'm glad we don't belong to this world and we are all waiting for the world where we do belong. I love also how the ending of this song is a reprise of the first track, bringing the album full circle. Well done, boys.
#4: Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks- The National (Album: High Violet)
"Vanderlyle, crybaby cry/ Man it's all been forgiving/ Swans are a swimmin'/ I'll explain everything to the geeks"
Nothing short of a bombastic, grandiose ending. I love this band way too much. But this song is a perfect way to close this album. Enough said. Sorry about the dramatic beach video.
#3: Daisy- Switchfoot (Album: Nothing is Sound)
"Let it go/ Daisy, let it go/ Open up your fist/ This fallen world/ Doesn't hold your interest/ Doesn't hold your soul/ Daisy, let it go"
The above mentioned are probably some of my favorite lyrics ever written. This song is purely poetic and I love the acoustic building into a very rock and roll ending..perfect for the rainy days, and probs one of my favorite album closers ever, to my favorite album by this band.
#2: Paper Route- Calm My Soul (Album: The Peace of Wild Things)
"In dust my ribs were formed/ and I'll return again/...Calm my soul."
Just watch that link above. What an underrated band, what a voice,what a lyric, what a song. I love that these guys poetically express what they believe without that 'christian' label. And I love JT's break from his chest to head voice..ahh. This song sounds a lot like what my prayers sound like..and like the song says, life and our consequent actions leave us no other choice but to ask God to calm our souls.
#1: Comforting Sounds- Mew (Album: Frengers)
"I don't feel alright/ In spite of these comforting sounds you make."
I highly encourage you to watch the video above because it is PERFECTION- better than the album version. I know I said in no particular order, but this is my favorite album closer EVER. It's perfect. The build is perfect...and its like 9 minutes long but this song takes me there, and wherever that is is pure bliss. The lyric is so honest- we've all been there before. This song is a tranquilizer for my soul. The melody is so simple yet so powerful, and it makes me feel things I've never felt before in a good way. I'm gonna stop being a sap now and go listen to this..again. Long live Mew.
I've been hit with quite the cold so I haven't left my house since Sunday..anyways.
I love me a good album closer. I'm a sucker for epic, bombastic ones too. And for a while I've been wanting to compile a list of my favorite ones. I like making lists.
So, here we go. In no particular order. (With videos! Most of them being live performances because live performances RULE)
#10: Death and All His Friends- Coldplay (Album: Viva la Vida)
"I don't wanna battle from beginning to end/ I don't wanna cycle on recycled revenge/ I don't wanna follow death and all of his friends"
Chris Martin sings this at the top of his lungs, and those words speak volumes about our innate goodness...beautiful album closer. Musically, I love all the dynamics in here, that riff in the middle that makes you feel loss and beauty all at once.
#9: The Suburbs (Continued)- Arcade Fire (Album: The Suburbs)
Sometimes I can't believe it/ I'm moving past the feeling..."
It's a minute and a half long but there is no other song really that embodies nostalgia as well as this one. I will probably listen to this on my porch when I'm 67 and cry and remember how much fun I had 'wasting time' while I was young. Great end to a great concept album.
#8: Friend of Ours- Elbow (Album: The Seldom Seen Kid)
You can just feel Guy Garvey's pain when he sings this. This song also helped a mourning of mine as well...but this song is just so beautiful. Thank you England for giving us Elbow.
#7: Louise Louisa- Mew (Album: And the Glass Handed Kites)
First of all, Mew is the king of album closers. They're all so good! But this one is amazing. Another ending to a concept album (this album is one continual piece really) but THIS. SONG. The drum solo (at the 3 minute mark!), the floating vocals. The end, especially in this performance of it, literally leaves me in tears because its so beautiful. God Bless Denmark.
#6: City of Black and White- Mat Kearney (Album: City of Black and White)
In all honesty, I love the song, but the outro (3:45 to the end) is too epic for words. I remember one time listening to this while sitting on my roof when I was still living in Brooklyn and it was one of those magical moments. Looking out at the best city in the world with this chance-esque music playing. Beautiful.
#5: Where I Belong- Switchfoot (Album: Vice Verses)
Musically, this song is a little bland, but lyrically, OH MY this song has single handedly made me wanna get tatted up. Because I wanna take these words to my grave. IMO, one of the best songs ever written, I'm glad we don't belong to this world and we are all waiting for the world where we do belong. I love also how the ending of this song is a reprise of the first track, bringing the album full circle. Well done, boys.
#4: Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks- The National (Album: High Violet)
Nothing short of a bombastic, grandiose ending. I love this band way too much. But this song is a perfect way to close this album. Enough said. Sorry about the dramatic beach video.
#3: Daisy- Switchfoot (Album: Nothing is Sound)
The above mentioned are probably some of my favorite lyrics ever written. This song is purely poetic and I love the acoustic building into a very rock and roll ending..perfect for the rainy days, and probs one of my favorite album closers ever, to my favorite album by this band.
#2: Paper Route- Calm My Soul (Album: The Peace of Wild Things)
Just watch that link above. What an underrated band, what a voice,what a lyric, what a song. I love that these guys poetically express what they believe without that 'christian' label. And I love JT's break from his chest to head voice..ahh. This song sounds a lot like what my prayers sound like..and like the song says, life and our consequent actions leave us no other choice but to ask God to calm our souls.
#1: Comforting Sounds- Mew (Album: Frengers)
I highly encourage you to watch the video above because it is PERFECTION- better than the album version. I know I said in no particular order, but this is my favorite album closer EVER. It's perfect. The build is perfect...and its like 9 minutes long but this song takes me there, and wherever that is is pure bliss. The lyric is so honest- we've all been there before. This song is a tranquilizer for my soul. The melody is so simple yet so powerful, and it makes me feel things I've never felt before in a good way. I'm gonna stop being a sap now and go listen to this..again. Long live Mew.
Monday, May 6, 2013
revisiting the bucket list.
Guess what? I can't sleep. Surprise.
I wrote this bucket list like 5 years ago...had the guts to put it on social media about three years ago. (And I think this list would be slightly different if I wrote it today) Firstly, what have I managed to cross off, and second, what am I really doing with my life?
I honestly don't know what it was but this last trip to Texas I took changed the way I saw a lot of things for some inexplicable reason, so I'm reshuffling my cards.
Anyways.
(color=newly crossed off items)
I wrote this bucket list like 5 years ago...had the guts to put it on social media about three years ago. (And I think this list would be slightly different if I wrote it today) Firstly, what have I managed to cross off, and second, what am I really doing with my life?
I honestly don't know what it was but this last trip to Texas I took changed the way I saw a lot of things for some inexplicable reason, so I'm reshuffling my cards.
Anyways.
(color=newly crossed off items)
What do I wanna do before I die?
1. Ride a rollercoaster.
2. Live in new york city. ( (been there done that, like a boss. best risk/choice EVER)
3. Write an album.
4. Strike up conversation with a stranger.(thanks NYC, i did this way too many times late at night coming home from work on the train)
5. Perform a duet with Jon Foreman. Or anyone awesome like that.
6. See Coldplay in concert. (Thanks Ian!)
7. Go to India’s red light district in efforts to reduce human trafficking.
8. Swim freely in the open ocean.
9. See the northern lights.
10. Make the most baller sandwich ever.(Too bad I didn't photograph it!)
11. Fall in love or be happily alone.
12. Get over my fear of heights. (Thanks apartment rooftop! It's getting better.)
13. Help build a house.
14. Get a college degree.
15. Donate blood.
16. Be in a protest.(That one time I protested for Trayvon Martin in Union Square in NYC)
17. Give a stranger a substantial amount of money.
18. Host a charity event instead of an birthday party.
19. Live in nature for a week.
20. Climb a mountain.(Thank Appalachian mountains!)
21. Tour with a good band.
22. Give my parents a month’s worth of rent.
23. Adopt a child.
24. See a sunset on the west coast.
25. Volunteer my holidays at a soup kitchen.
26. House a homeless person.(My family did this sometime last year and BOY was it eye opening.)
27. Be on Ellen!
28. Start a non profit organization.
29. Run a marathon…maybe shorter than.
30. Throw a surprise birthday party for someone.
31. Float in the dead sea.
32. Go scuba diving in a pacific island.
33. Live in australiaaa!
34. Write an important article for an important place.
35. Have a deep conversation with a stranger.(Kinda like #4, but that one time I sat on the sidewalk on the corner of W51 and 6th with a 20 some homeless girl and her dog. One of the best chats I've ever had.)
36. Meet a holocaust survivor.
37. Become friends with an autistic kid. (My cousin, who was recently diagnosed. He is AWESOME)
38. Volunteer at a nursing home. (This was heartbreaking. This lady literally said "thanks for remembering us". I cried the whole ride home that day and swore I'd never put my parents in one.)
39. Have the guts to ask the best guy ever out. Whoever that will be.
40. Sing the national anthem at a major game.
41. Learn to breakdance.
42. Visit a prison.
43. Trade places with someone.
44. Literally weave a basket underwater.
45. See a concentration camp firsthand.
46. Own a Martin guitar.
47. Direct a children’s choir.
48. See a surgery being performed. (That one time I had knee surgery)
49. See many saved by the amazing love of Jesus! (:
50. Bring the Cowboys Chicken Club back.
51. Tell someone exactly how I feel about them- good or bad.(Had to really do it once. Haters gonna hate.)
52. Play a Steinway grand piano…a black one.(The people at my local piano retailer literally called me to let me know they had gotten one in. I didn't wanna leave.)
53. Host a walk for a cause.
54. Be nominated for a major award.
55. Write a book.
56. Start the #1 trending twitter topic.
57. Go to New York fashion week.
58. Be in two places at once.
59. Swim the ocean while its raining/storming.
60. Attend a Super Bowl
61. Have coffee with Jon Foreman.
62. Perform at Carnegie Hall. Or maybe just watch a performance there.(Pink Martini. 12/14/12. Thanks Ian!)
63. Break a world record.
64. Be a telemarketer for a day.
65. Write a song that someone else wishes they wrote.
66. Dye my hair a different color. (Funny, my hairs been red for almost 3 years now)
67. Donate an organ.
68. Learn to surf.
69. Help deliver a baby. (One of the babies at my church. It was shocking, but a reminder of what a MIRACLE life is)
70. Run a small business.
71. Throw a huge, crazy party.(I think my Cinco de Mayo fest last year counts. Lots of random people showed up, laughs were had, way too many drinks were had, and my apartment looked like 13 hurricanes and 4 wars had been fought. Yeah.)
72. Choreograph a dance with a large amount of people.
73. Party with a rockstar.
74. Drive a tractor through a city.
75. Host a conference on simple living, against mindless cosumption.
76. Do something that someone says I can’t.
77. Invite an atheist to church.(A coworker of mine in NYC. Twas interesting.)
78. Scream really loud in a library.
79. Pretend to be a hobo.
80. Organize a flash mob.
81. Sing in a subway station. (59th and Lex, NQR train platform. Started singing along with the violinist playing there.)
82. Audition for a Broadway Musical.
83. Attend the inauguration of a president.
84. Be a zookeeper for a day.
85. Experience exotic cultures.(I lived in NYC. I saw everyone and everything.)
86. Ride an elephant.
87. Live on a ranch.
88. Fulfill someone’s final wish.
89. Pay for someone’s groceries.
90. Go to an Olympic opening ceremony.
91. Walk the road to Calvary in Jerusalem.
92. Find
a couple that’s had cheating issues and say something about it at their
wedding when the priest says “speak now or forever hold your peace.”
93. Learn a third language.
94. Do missionary work wherever.
95. Have something named after me.
96. Take a kid on a toy shopping spree.
97. Skydive.
98. Help solve a crime.
99. Own an exotic pet.
100. Change someone’s life.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
paint
It is seriously so funny how life really is never what you plan, like, at all. Ever since I've had nothing 'concrete' to do in terms of the 'socially' acceptable- school/work/professional-esque ambitions, etc, I've been thinking a lot about purpose. Like sometimes I wonder (and it's probably not healthy) what if I had stuck to my 17-year old ambitions? Where would I be and what would I be doing? Would I be happier than I am now or would I be more at peace? What if I had stayed in New York? Was I right in coming home? What if this period of nothingness was purposely placed in my life so I could really dig into what I wanted to do/be? Like, what about these new interests I'm discovering? God doesn't make a single mistake. Like...if God is the master artist and our lives are the canvas, are the gifts and abilities we have the palette? And what a mess we make when we paint ourselves and we don't know how but we do anyways because painting is fun. He is the creator- who are we to think we know how this life works better than God himself? I am so curious to see what my final product will look like if life is a painting of sorts. But I also don't wanna know because then I might settle and not attempt thriving. When my life painting is done, will it be worthy of any kind of admiration? Will there be any stroke technique of sorts that someone will want to emulate to make their painting more beautiful? What kind of gallery would house my life painting? Would be it at the Met, or wall decor in a coffee shop? Maybe street propaganda in poster form? Would my painting tell a story about me or others? The latter is a life well lived...I don't wanna be in the forefront of this picture. I am not very photogenic. How badly I want this life painting to reflect Christ and His love towards all of us, his grace, kindness, forgiveness...I want this life painting to show that I made the best of what I had...I think we do have a bit of control over how our lives play out, I mean we make choices at least a thousand times a day...and I am just rambling and I really need to get my junk together. Gotta quit wasting time that could be used to create, to breathe life. Gotta work on a better me so my surroundings will be better..more patience with existence and more Jesus in me, more and more every day so that I can reflect him...and now I actually wanna paint. I wish I had balloons so I could paint like they do in the Princess Diaries.
</rant>
</rant>
Friday, February 8, 2013
that technicolor dreamcoat
(DISCLAIMER: This is about the actual Joseph...not the musical. Sorry)
Quick little reflection because this is too long for a tweet and I'm not trying to bomb anyone's feed...
Reading about Joseph in the Bible and he was always cool but he is FASCINATING because:
-He knew he had a special ability/gift in his hand (he had a gift/way with dreams)
-He didn't know what to do with it or where it would take him (LOTR anyone?? lol..kinda. a long shot)
-Because of said ability everyone in his family thought he was nuts and it drove them to hate them and eventually sell him as a slave (THAT escalated quickly)
and now Joseph, a dreamer, finds himself in a pit, quite literally. But fastforward a long hard journey full of mistakes, and learning, and some unfair accusations and he ends in up a ruler in a palace.
Which makes me think about our human condition. We might be like Joseph. Sometimes the only way to the palace is through a pit. If we know we have a gift in our hand...we have to just go with it sometimes and we have NO idea where it'll take us. But if we cling to God...who knows the future...we'll be fine even if we're blind to our purpose sometimes. Gotta keep learning to trust man...
Another observation: Joseph and his dreams began with him telling them to his family, and eventually to interpreting them in the king's palace. He started out saying telling his dreams but ended saying "tell me YOUR dreams". Elevate others. Success isn't always about me...there's always a greater purpose than just you to the gift you've been given.
That's all. Random.
Spread love, y'all.
Quick little reflection because this is too long for a tweet and I'm not trying to bomb anyone's feed...
Reading about Joseph in the Bible and he was always cool but he is FASCINATING because:
-He knew he had a special ability/gift in his hand (he had a gift/way with dreams)
-He didn't know what to do with it or where it would take him (LOTR anyone?? lol..kinda. a long shot)
-Because of said ability everyone in his family thought he was nuts and it drove them to hate them and eventually sell him as a slave (THAT escalated quickly)
and now Joseph, a dreamer, finds himself in a pit, quite literally. But fastforward a long hard journey full of mistakes, and learning, and some unfair accusations and he ends in up a ruler in a palace.
Which makes me think about our human condition. We might be like Joseph. Sometimes the only way to the palace is through a pit. If we know we have a gift in our hand...we have to just go with it sometimes and we have NO idea where it'll take us. But if we cling to God...who knows the future...we'll be fine even if we're blind to our purpose sometimes. Gotta keep learning to trust man...
Another observation: Joseph and his dreams began with him telling them to his family, and eventually to interpreting them in the king's palace. He started out saying telling his dreams but ended saying "tell me YOUR dreams". Elevate others. Success isn't always about me...there's always a greater purpose than just you to the gift you've been given.
That's all. Random.
Spread love, y'all.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
all the single ladies
I really need to get all of this off my chest so yeah, I'm gonna write down some thoughts about how I feel about relationships/marriage, etc.
Firstly, “We love, because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
Several people have brought it to my attention that I am young, [instert generally nice adjectives here], and VERY single. Please, what else is new. Also, the fact that all my feeds on social media have been blowing up with new "so and so is engaged/in a relationship with so and so" announcements is also another reminder that I am indeed, very single. Meh.
Mostly, I am single by choice. Yes, I have been single my entire life. All twenty years. (Mutual temporary infatuations do not count.) When I tell people that they look at me like I'm some kind of freaking martian because I don't have a kid or whatever yet. (Someone seriously said that to me. Just cause I'm hispanic don't mean I will give birth before 19 by default. Smh.) I am probably also single because all the wrong people hit on me. Anyways... I am probably single because I am just so freaking weird. True story. It's going to take one equally weird and brave soul to handle me. Being single, by the way, RULES and I am learning that every day man. Shoooo.
I am extremely old-fashioned when it comes to relationships. (DISCLAIMER: the following is what I think works for me. You do what you do bro.) And it may not be cool, but I know it'll pay off for sure...you know how everybody's obsessed on finding "the one"? People will go on date after date, on the hunt for that person. I am convinced that God has that ONE person for me, because He does and if I wait patiently....He will bring that person into my life at the right time. Which means I can avoid and not even worry about the trial and errors of dating because I know that I can trust my heavenly father with every single detail of my life. And not having to worry about me doing the work to actually find someone means I can actually worry on doing the work to become a better me, and more importantly a true daughter of the King, because whoever He has for me deserves nothing but the best, and vice versa for whoever He has for me. I'm a freaking princess and I refuse to settle. (Every girl is a princess y'all!!) This means I can take the time to get to know me and discover things and try new things because hey, if you don't even truly know yourself, how are you gonna get to know somebody else? This also means, I can take the time to dive deeper into who Christ is, from whom true love can only come from because He is love. (This is probably why so many relationships fail or don't reach full potential...if we fail to recognize and comprehend what true love is, and that it comes through Christ alone...we're in trouble.)
It makes me truly sad to see people put marriage and relationships on this pedestal, like, they feel they're gonna die of loneliness and a sense of failure if they don't have someone to cuddle with. PEOPLE: PLEASE STOP TREATING RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THE CROWN JEWEL OF YOUR EXISTENCE. Please, because guess what. News flash! It is possible to feel complete/happy/accomplished while being single! It's true. Again, being single RULES and there's nothing wrong with you if you are single. Or there might be...KIDDING...anyways.Think of all the things you should/need to do before you have someone texting you every 5 minutes. Like, travel alone, or buy something really pointless just because you want to, because once you're with someone you'll probs ask for their opinion on things. I enjoy being single because I do what I want to do without the opinions of someone. I can do me and self-discovery is pretty fun man.
It scares me how easy people say they "fall in love"....like that's such a terrifying thing. Like, it might just be me, but I am terrified of falling in love. Probably because I don't know what its like, but I will see lovesick people and I'm like oh God forbid I be like that. I don't know. I find it weird that people throw love around like it's nothing, like it's a hobby or something when it was meant to be so much more than that...
I will not even lie to you. If I'm honest, for the most part, single life is cool. However, on some days, I will see a happy couple walking through the mall or something and I'm just like *sniff* forever aloneeee *sniffle*. But I get over it. I used to have a fear of marriage because I saw so many broken ones...and I was like, if that's what you get when you get married then I don't want that, ever. God is working through that...because marriage is good if you do it right...right?
People have also asked me what I would like in this significant other. I want a traveler, a lover of music, a foodie, a dork, and most importantly, a friend. Some things are non-negotiable though: He must love Jesus with all of his heart and soul and everything in His life must show it. Yep.
I guess all in all...just take it a day at a time. Single peoeple: live your life, enjoy the moment, do not ever rush into anything. Everything has a time, a place, and a season. And as cliche as it is...true love waits. Nobody who waited for that person patiently made it to the altar and said...oh the wait wasn't worth it. Au contraire. The payoff is huge...cheat the process and you will cheapen the harvest...and I need to stop rambling.
Firstly, “We love, because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
Several people have brought it to my attention that I am young, [instert generally nice adjectives here], and VERY single. Please, what else is new. Also, the fact that all my feeds on social media have been blowing up with new "so and so is engaged/in a relationship with so and so" announcements is also another reminder that I am indeed, very single. Meh.
Mostly, I am single by choice. Yes, I have been single my entire life. All twenty years. (Mutual temporary infatuations do not count.) When I tell people that they look at me like I'm some kind of freaking martian because I don't have a kid or whatever yet. (Someone seriously said that to me. Just cause I'm hispanic don't mean I will give birth before 19 by default. Smh.) I am probably also single because all the wrong people hit on me. Anyways... I am probably single because I am just so freaking weird. True story. It's going to take one equally weird and brave soul to handle me. Being single, by the way, RULES and I am learning that every day man. Shoooo.
I am extremely old-fashioned when it comes to relationships. (DISCLAIMER: the following is what I think works for me. You do what you do bro.) And it may not be cool, but I know it'll pay off for sure...you know how everybody's obsessed on finding "the one"? People will go on date after date, on the hunt for that person. I am convinced that God has that ONE person for me, because He does and if I wait patiently....He will bring that person into my life at the right time. Which means I can avoid and not even worry about the trial and errors of dating because I know that I can trust my heavenly father with every single detail of my life. And not having to worry about me doing the work to actually find someone means I can actually worry on doing the work to become a better me, and more importantly a true daughter of the King, because whoever He has for me deserves nothing but the best, and vice versa for whoever He has for me. I'm a freaking princess and I refuse to settle. (Every girl is a princess y'all!!) This means I can take the time to get to know me and discover things and try new things because hey, if you don't even truly know yourself, how are you gonna get to know somebody else? This also means, I can take the time to dive deeper into who Christ is, from whom true love can only come from because He is love. (This is probably why so many relationships fail or don't reach full potential...if we fail to recognize and comprehend what true love is, and that it comes through Christ alone...we're in trouble.)
It makes me truly sad to see people put marriage and relationships on this pedestal, like, they feel they're gonna die of loneliness and a sense of failure if they don't have someone to cuddle with. PEOPLE: PLEASE STOP TREATING RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THE CROWN JEWEL OF YOUR EXISTENCE. Please, because guess what. News flash! It is possible to feel complete/happy/accomplished while being single! It's true. Again, being single RULES and there's nothing wrong with you if you are single. Or there might be...KIDDING...anyways.Think of all the things you should/need to do before you have someone texting you every 5 minutes. Like, travel alone, or buy something really pointless just because you want to, because once you're with someone you'll probs ask for their opinion on things. I enjoy being single because I do what I want to do without the opinions of someone. I can do me and self-discovery is pretty fun man.
It scares me how easy people say they "fall in love"....like that's such a terrifying thing. Like, it might just be me, but I am terrified of falling in love. Probably because I don't know what its like, but I will see lovesick people and I'm like oh God forbid I be like that. I don't know. I find it weird that people throw love around like it's nothing, like it's a hobby or something when it was meant to be so much more than that...
I will not even lie to you. If I'm honest, for the most part, single life is cool. However, on some days, I will see a happy couple walking through the mall or something and I'm just like *sniff* forever aloneeee *sniffle*. But I get over it. I used to have a fear of marriage because I saw so many broken ones...and I was like, if that's what you get when you get married then I don't want that, ever. God is working through that...because marriage is good if you do it right...right?
People have also asked me what I would like in this significant other. I want a traveler, a lover of music, a foodie, a dork, and most importantly, a friend. Some things are non-negotiable though: He must love Jesus with all of his heart and soul and everything in His life must show it. Yep.
I guess all in all...just take it a day at a time. Single peoeple: live your life, enjoy the moment, do not ever rush into anything. Everything has a time, a place, and a season. And as cliche as it is...true love waits. Nobody who waited for that person patiently made it to the altar and said...oh the wait wasn't worth it. Au contraire. The payoff is huge...cheat the process and you will cheapen the harvest...and I need to stop rambling.
Friday, January 4, 2013
a kinda but not a new year's post...
1:56 a.m.
I have no idea what's gotten into me right now, like, I don't have words for this feeling, and it's probably because it's too late and I've been staring at the ceiling for far too long.
It's a new year and sure, people make resolutions and such but right now I have been going back and forth between my couch and my bed thinking, praying, dreaming, etc of how DESPERATELY I need more and more of God. How desperate I want to be used by Him. How desperate I am for His help to make the best of this season now that I'll probably stay in North Carolina for a while (though I'm still looking at you, Dallas.) How desperate I am for Him to open my eyes to the needs of people here and that why I may have a hard time accepting it because I miss New York, there are probably a million reasons why I am here for this time and season. After trying to figure things out on my own for a while, there's probably no better feeling than realizing that my worth comes Him and Him alone and nothing that I could do could make me a more impressive/accomplished person because everything that needed to be done He already did on the cross with a love that will touch a life more than any accomplishment of mine.
Honestly, I think I've put myself in a self-induced spiritual drought these past couple months because I had to leave New York and for a while I was pretty upset about it. Like, I thought I was gonna be there for years! And it would've been awesome because I had a great church and social life in the city and I had gotten into a good school! But I've come to realize that again...this is not my life. And if I want to be used by Him, then I have to let go of that. (Whatever "that" is...)
What am I learning? Comparison is probably the #1 thing that will rob you of his specific, hand-crafted, plan for you. I'm learning that the hard way, but I'm cool with that.
2013, I am ready for you. Bring it.
I have no idea what's gotten into me right now, like, I don't have words for this feeling, and it's probably because it's too late and I've been staring at the ceiling for far too long.
It's a new year and sure, people make resolutions and such but right now I have been going back and forth between my couch and my bed thinking, praying, dreaming, etc of how DESPERATELY I need more and more of God. How desperate I want to be used by Him. How desperate I am for His help to make the best of this season now that I'll probably stay in North Carolina for a while (though I'm still looking at you, Dallas.) How desperate I am for Him to open my eyes to the needs of people here and that why I may have a hard time accepting it because I miss New York, there are probably a million reasons why I am here for this time and season. After trying to figure things out on my own for a while, there's probably no better feeling than realizing that my worth comes Him and Him alone and nothing that I could do could make me a more impressive/accomplished person because everything that needed to be done He already did on the cross with a love that will touch a life more than any accomplishment of mine.
Honestly, I think I've put myself in a self-induced spiritual drought these past couple months because I had to leave New York and for a while I was pretty upset about it. Like, I thought I was gonna be there for years! And it would've been awesome because I had a great church and social life in the city and I had gotten into a good school! But I've come to realize that again...this is not my life. And if I want to be used by Him, then I have to let go of that. (Whatever "that" is...)
What am I learning? Comparison is probably the #1 thing that will rob you of his specific, hand-crafted, plan for you. I'm learning that the hard way, but I'm cool with that.
2013, I am ready for you. Bring it.
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