This is particularly hard to write.
Where did we go wrong?
As the daughter of a pastor, the church very much has been and will always be the best thing in my life...but in light of several events in recent memory, I'm not even angry- just really disappointed. Last night I was reading in Matthew and I just saw Jesus come alive on the page, and his undying and unconditional love and belief in us was as beautiful as ever.
But why have 'believers' today thought that its okay to pick and choose what parts of the Bible we can believe or not? Who are we to think we can read and highlight the parts that support our lifestyles so that our consciences' can sleep with one eye open and disregard the rest to not only cheat ourselves of fullness of life in Christ but even worse- attack a fellow human being in the name of self proclaimed self-righteousness?
It's become very evident in the media that 'christians' are now seen in a negative light- we're seen as bigots, fanatics, zealots, backwards inbreds (never got this one), close minded conservatives (Disclaimer: I am not a conservative...you all knew that, but I am sick of people questioning my love for my savior out of my political stances. Anyways.) But it now has seemed that everyone can speak except for 'christians' because of such hostile views..
Where did we go wrong?
To be a Christian is to be Christ-like. Who was Jesus anyways? He loved unconditionally. He hung out with 12 rejects of the system and made them his friends. He taught us to do everything out of love because He is love. He gave everyone everything expecting nothing in return, knowing we had done nothing to earn His love and knowing that we could never do anything to pay him back. He was a King yet the gospels tell us that He "didn't have a place to lay his head." The King of all was homeless...doesn't look too much like Christians who have tried to merge belief with the American dream. (Which is why I don't buy the health and wealth teachings...I think if Jesus was truly concerned with a house in the suburbs and a 401k he woulda been born into a similar social circle himself, right? But no.)
He was love...and in love, everything changes. We can't expect to impose our beliefs on others thinking we're holier than thou and expect anything...we need to talk less and love more. Who are we to think we can reinvent God in our image? We need to encounter the real Jesus all over again and fall in love. Yes- we need to love everyone regardless of their beliefs, lives and flaws because you may seem alright but we're all flawed, don't lie.
God wants all of us or none of us...sometimes what we read may in His word may contradict us and we can't ignore it...contradiction is good because it means that I'm still in repair and even though I think I'm right I might not be and isn't it healthy for us to hear that we're wrong sometimes?
We need a true revolution in the church...it blows my mind that people who claim Christ speak so much hate. (And to see 'believers' be so adamant that they're right bothers me.) We all make mistakes- some more visible than others, but all of our faults are there. We are all made of the same flesh and bones and arms and eyes and hearts...we're no better than our brother. I pray everyday that people that I come into contact with me see His love radiate and not me...trust me guys. Read the Gospels. I want to be like that. I want to be just like Jesus.
I dream of a day when the church becomes synonymous with love.
Where did we go wrong?
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
certain instabilities
It's not that I'm pessimistic or anything, because I'm not, but sometimes I have to be rational. I've always heard people say that the higher you climb the further you have to fall, and this can be applied to many aspects of life- love, careers, education, wealth, happiness, and anything that can be measured by success or lack thereof...
I think maybe the reason why so many people have a hard time being completely happy is because of the instability of happiness versus the certainty of sadness. A lot of us are guilty of putting walls up because we are all scared to death of falling, of letting someone down, of letting ourselves down, and ultimately of facing ourselves..
We need to be okay with letting ourselves feel that sadness and not feel like its a bad thing, because we're human and we feel things and why pretend to be perfectly fine if you know that you can't help it because life simply goes on and you have to deal with it, like the cliches that tell us that we need the bad to truly appreciate the good (and that's a whole other idea..how flawed are we as humans that we need bad to see good, anyways)...
I'm thankful that Christ is the source of my joy- and in my life, and hopefully in yours too, this fact is undeniable. It's a joy and a peace so perfect that I can't explain. He fills every void in my soul and I am forever grateful for that.
But we are all still human. And our souls are always involuntarily restless.
I think maybe the reason why so many people have a hard time being completely happy is because of the instability of happiness versus the certainty of sadness. A lot of us are guilty of putting walls up because we are all scared to death of falling, of letting someone down, of letting ourselves down, and ultimately of facing ourselves..
We need to be okay with letting ourselves feel that sadness and not feel like its a bad thing, because we're human and we feel things and why pretend to be perfectly fine if you know that you can't help it because life simply goes on and you have to deal with it, like the cliches that tell us that we need the bad to truly appreciate the good (and that's a whole other idea..how flawed are we as humans that we need bad to see good, anyways)...
I'm thankful that Christ is the source of my joy- and in my life, and hopefully in yours too, this fact is undeniable. It's a joy and a peace so perfect that I can't explain. He fills every void in my soul and I am forever grateful for that.
But we are all still human. And our souls are always involuntarily restless.
Monday, June 3, 2013
twenty one questions
I opened up my email today and found this there...and I didn't recognize the email address? But this looked like fun because I'm a sucker for these. So here we go.
1. Most comforting place, smell, sound and memory?
Place: my room/the woods
Smell: coffee/the earth after it rains
Sound: good jams...but in terms of comforting, something Mew/Bon Iver/old Coldplay will do
Memory: anything during the holidays. food+family is so comforting
2. Your ambitions as a child and your ambitions now
As a child: First, astronaut, then teacher
Now: No idea cause there is so much I wanna do. But it involves music/charity work/loving people/traveling/writing/loving Jesus
3. Biggest fear
Well, I'm terrified of heights. And another fear far too personal to speak of.
4. Qualities you would like in a partner (if you would like one)
Be musically inclined, be adventurous, love to travel, love people and invest in them, and most importantly, love Jesus with all your heart and soul. Like, someone who loves Jesus and everything about their life reflects it. Oh, and be willing to have a Star Wars marathon with me on command, because duh.
5. Traits you couldn’t put up with in a partner (if you would like one)
Guys with bad hygiene (like, you can't be trying to look good or whatever and have breath that could kill a horse), passive aggressiveness, impatience, and theres a ton. Oh, and don't be dumb. Have intelligence please.
6. What is the worst thing you have done to another person? (Let them down, lied, faked love etc)
I called someone something I shouldn't have and we didn't talk for a year. We made up later, but this friend passed away a few years back and I have regretted it more than anything because that was time with them I missed out on because of my stupidity.
7. What are your worst traits and features?
I'm really stubborn..I hate my teeth but not enough to drop 6k to fix them..
8. What are your best traits and features?
As much as I talk, I'm a really good listener. And I looooove my hair. Sorry not sorry.
9. How would you explain your idea of ‘true love’?
Christ has to be at the center for it, for he is love after all, and that's all I can really say since I've never felt in such a way...but I'm guessing it will be a gut feeling..?
10. The biggest mistake you’ve made.
Not done things sooner/better. Risk things and the payoff is huge.
11. Are you rational or more emotional?
Definitely emotional. I'm a feeler, and I love to feel things to the depths of my soul...things always make me cry or feel euphoric. But I am rational when necessary. We all need that balance of head and heart.
12. Do you think you’re very conscious of the feelings of others or more self oriented?
Without trying to sound like a saint or whatever I'm super conscious of others' feelings.. I can tell if you're alright or not without you uttering a word, and I'm always doubting myself if I'm doing enough to make sure the other person is happy. But people matter to me, and yes, I will go out of my way to put a smile on your face. I'm slowly learning that this life really loses meaning when it's about me.
13. Greatest achievement personally.
Moving to New York City. I was so young, and so scared, and I made a ton of mistakes but it was the best thing I had ever done. One day I will be back hopefully...
14. If you struggle to sleep at night, what do you do to try and soothe yourself to sleep?
HAHA I struggle so much at night...most nights I don't fall asleep til like, 3ish. My mind just goes into overdrive after midnight and I love having the world to myself so I will pick up my guitar, or play a chord progression on my keyboard in about 34 different sounds, and I will read, and write, sometimes I will watercolor, sometimes I will craft...sit on youtube..and I let myself be inspired. Eventually my eyes are like, stahp, so I sleep. Yeah...
15. What irritates you most about society?
Don't even get me started. But the #1 will definitely have to be intolerance. They may not look, think, dress, live like you, but just let them be. Be occupied enough with your own life that the differences of others don't bother you for crying out loud.
16. When you compliment someone, what do you tend to focus on? (Looks, intelligence, personality…)
Depends on the person or occasion. If we're good friends, then I'll compliment your killer taste in music or film, but if we just met, then I'll probably just tell you that that dress looks cute on you.
17. Think of your oldest friend. If you met them now do you think you would still become friends?
Of course. Nothing has changed a bit except for distance.
18. Something you love to do, but feel guilty about after/during?
I suffer from several digestive problems...so eating. Because I LOVE FOOD SO MUCH, but I know there are something I just shouldn't eat if I don't want to send myself into misery, but it's yummy so I eat it anyways.
19. Would you like children in the future. If so why?
Yes, because I hear it is such a life changing, monumental thing that is so hard, but so rewarding. Life is such a miracle! And I've always had strong maternal instincts.
And no. I am terrified of bringing a human being into the world in its current conditions...what if I'm not a good enough parent? How will I know if I'm doing good and not harm to them with how I parent them? Will they love me back?
Oh and I would LOVE to adopt. Like, its a must for me. Need money though!
20. Favorite bands/films?
OH BOY!
Bands: The National, Local Natives, Coldplay, Mew, Switchfoot, Bon Iver, The Beatles, Washed Out, Paper Route, Arcade Fire, Nada Surf, Sigur Ros, Florence + The Machine, to name a few....(there are 576 different artists in my iTunes library)
Films: Star Wars!! The Avengers, Les Miserables, Submarine, Pulp Fiction, Gladiator, Moonrise Kingdom, Mean Girls, Tree of Life, Schindler's List, Argo, Forrest Gump, Finding Nemo, and most all political/social commentary documentaries.
21. How do you manage your finances? What do you normally spend it on?
I refuse to get a credit card or take a loan out because I just can't spend money I don't have...make the best of what you do have, and live within your means. It really isn't that hard. And most of my money goes to food....and the rest to traveling/books/music/etc. I used to spend most of it on clothes but clothes isn't as satisfying.
1. Most comforting place, smell, sound and memory?
Place: my room/the woods
Smell: coffee/the earth after it rains
Sound: good jams...but in terms of comforting, something Mew/Bon Iver/old Coldplay will do
Memory: anything during the holidays. food+family is so comforting
2. Your ambitions as a child and your ambitions now
As a child: First, astronaut, then teacher
Now: No idea cause there is so much I wanna do. But it involves music/charity work/loving people/traveling/writing/loving Jesus
3. Biggest fear
Well, I'm terrified of heights. And another fear far too personal to speak of.
4. Qualities you would like in a partner (if you would like one)
Be musically inclined, be adventurous, love to travel, love people and invest in them, and most importantly, love Jesus with all your heart and soul. Like, someone who loves Jesus and everything about their life reflects it. Oh, and be willing to have a Star Wars marathon with me on command, because duh.
5. Traits you couldn’t put up with in a partner (if you would like one)
Guys with bad hygiene (like, you can't be trying to look good or whatever and have breath that could kill a horse), passive aggressiveness, impatience, and theres a ton. Oh, and don't be dumb. Have intelligence please.
6. What is the worst thing you have done to another person? (Let them down, lied, faked love etc)
I called someone something I shouldn't have and we didn't talk for a year. We made up later, but this friend passed away a few years back and I have regretted it more than anything because that was time with them I missed out on because of my stupidity.
7. What are your worst traits and features?
I'm really stubborn..I hate my teeth but not enough to drop 6k to fix them..
8. What are your best traits and features?
As much as I talk, I'm a really good listener. And I looooove my hair. Sorry not sorry.
9. How would you explain your idea of ‘true love’?
Christ has to be at the center for it, for he is love after all, and that's all I can really say since I've never felt in such a way...but I'm guessing it will be a gut feeling..?
10. The biggest mistake you’ve made.
Not done things sooner/better. Risk things and the payoff is huge.
11. Are you rational or more emotional?
Definitely emotional. I'm a feeler, and I love to feel things to the depths of my soul...things always make me cry or feel euphoric. But I am rational when necessary. We all need that balance of head and heart.
12. Do you think you’re very conscious of the feelings of others or more self oriented?
Without trying to sound like a saint or whatever I'm super conscious of others' feelings.. I can tell if you're alright or not without you uttering a word, and I'm always doubting myself if I'm doing enough to make sure the other person is happy. But people matter to me, and yes, I will go out of my way to put a smile on your face. I'm slowly learning that this life really loses meaning when it's about me.
13. Greatest achievement personally.
Moving to New York City. I was so young, and so scared, and I made a ton of mistakes but it was the best thing I had ever done. One day I will be back hopefully...
14. If you struggle to sleep at night, what do you do to try and soothe yourself to sleep?
HAHA I struggle so much at night...most nights I don't fall asleep til like, 3ish. My mind just goes into overdrive after midnight and I love having the world to myself so I will pick up my guitar, or play a chord progression on my keyboard in about 34 different sounds, and I will read, and write, sometimes I will watercolor, sometimes I will craft...sit on youtube..and I let myself be inspired. Eventually my eyes are like, stahp, so I sleep. Yeah...
15. What irritates you most about society?
Don't even get me started. But the #1 will definitely have to be intolerance. They may not look, think, dress, live like you, but just let them be. Be occupied enough with your own life that the differences of others don't bother you for crying out loud.
16. When you compliment someone, what do you tend to focus on? (Looks, intelligence, personality…)
Depends on the person or occasion. If we're good friends, then I'll compliment your killer taste in music or film, but if we just met, then I'll probably just tell you that that dress looks cute on you.
17. Think of your oldest friend. If you met them now do you think you would still become friends?
Of course. Nothing has changed a bit except for distance.
18. Something you love to do, but feel guilty about after/during?
I suffer from several digestive problems...so eating. Because I LOVE FOOD SO MUCH, but I know there are something I just shouldn't eat if I don't want to send myself into misery, but it's yummy so I eat it anyways.
19. Would you like children in the future. If so why?
Yes, because I hear it is such a life changing, monumental thing that is so hard, but so rewarding. Life is such a miracle! And I've always had strong maternal instincts.
And no. I am terrified of bringing a human being into the world in its current conditions...what if I'm not a good enough parent? How will I know if I'm doing good and not harm to them with how I parent them? Will they love me back?
Oh and I would LOVE to adopt. Like, its a must for me. Need money though!
20. Favorite bands/films?
OH BOY!
Bands: The National, Local Natives, Coldplay, Mew, Switchfoot, Bon Iver, The Beatles, Washed Out, Paper Route, Arcade Fire, Nada Surf, Sigur Ros, Florence + The Machine, to name a few....(there are 576 different artists in my iTunes library)
Films: Star Wars!! The Avengers, Les Miserables, Submarine, Pulp Fiction, Gladiator, Moonrise Kingdom, Mean Girls, Tree of Life, Schindler's List, Argo, Forrest Gump, Finding Nemo, and most all political/social commentary documentaries.
21. How do you manage your finances? What do you normally spend it on?
I refuse to get a credit card or take a loan out because I just can't spend money I don't have...make the best of what you do have, and live within your means. It really isn't that hard. And most of my money goes to food....and the rest to traveling/books/music/etc. I used to spend most of it on clothes but clothes isn't as satisfying.
beautiful world
The other morning I went to Raleigh with my dad, and since it was a morning drive and I'm the queen of all copilots since I talk a lot and never sleep I tagged along. Gotta make sure he didn't drift off.
Since I am currently unemployed I have literally no fixed schedule really. I can do what I want when I want. Which can be really bad sometimes but anyways. But more often than not I wake up after like, 9 or 10 so rarely do I see a sunrise...and this was the first one I had seen in a long time and just watching it made my usual chatterbox self sit still and silently in awe...because the colors were stunning and the clouds were warm and inviting and looked like cotton candy and the colors ebbed and flowed until we got a perfect shade of what looked like that multi flavor sorbet that you see at the grocery store...
And then my dad started asking a million questions..
Why is the sun up at like, 5:45?
How does the earth literally spin?
How is it that trees flawlessly respond to the changes in sunlight while we humans go absolutely berserk and sometimes go into 'depression' over lack there of?
Isn't it funny that the sun we see now is the same one we share with the other 7 billion people on this planet? Why can't we do that with everything else?
(Yes, I know all these questions have scientific answers, but sometimes we just need to let ourselves marvel at things)
If we have a sun, that must mean there are a million other suns, and stars and moons and planets and galaxies and we're literally a speck (like the who's!) floating amidst this massive universe...
We live in such a beautiful world. Einstein I believe it was that said that the more he studied the universe the more he believed in a higher power...which is so true. That morning I couldn't help but just sit in complete awe and reverence of our creator...He is so powerful that He merely SPOKE and we get this beautiful world. He is the master artist and this is all but a tiny bit of a reflection of who He is which must mean He is so much greater and more beautiful than I could ever fathom... mind=blown...
Like why is everything the color that it is? Why aren't trees blue and skies green? A week ago I was running and I saw some wildflowers in the forest so I walked into the forest and everything there lives in this total perfect harmony...
Don't you love the beauty of everything when it rains? Trees look like they're covered in crystals, pavement shines like silver (Les Mis, yo), and the blanket of gray above makes everything so much cozier? I'm rain's biggest fan. Like right now. It is pouring outside and I wanna go run barefoot in it so badly but I'll refrain since its 1 am...
The oceans...when I think about the absolute massiveness of the oceans I have to stop thinking before I kinda start to lose it...isn't it crazy that there are depths we have yet to go? The oceans are always moving...they fill us with wonder while we stare from the shoreline but can destroy us with their power in the blink of an eye. And isn't it true that most of the world's animal species reside in the ocean? These are probably reasons why so many people write songs about the ocean...its so mysterious and that's cheesy but so true...
But from ocean depths we go to the heights of mountains...and you stand on top and look down and feel like you're a part of it all...living here in NC the Blue Ridge Parkway is where it's at..and theyre also so massive and remind me how small I am, like literally...
All of this is interconnected in perfect rhythms.....and my mind wants to explode thinking about the fact that the human race is lucky to experience life on such a beautiful planet....I'm done, gonna go hug a tree now cause why not.
Since I am currently unemployed I have literally no fixed schedule really. I can do what I want when I want. Which can be really bad sometimes but anyways. But more often than not I wake up after like, 9 or 10 so rarely do I see a sunrise...and this was the first one I had seen in a long time and just watching it made my usual chatterbox self sit still and silently in awe...because the colors were stunning and the clouds were warm and inviting and looked like cotton candy and the colors ebbed and flowed until we got a perfect shade of what looked like that multi flavor sorbet that you see at the grocery store...
And then my dad started asking a million questions..
Why is the sun up at like, 5:45?
How does the earth literally spin?
How is it that trees flawlessly respond to the changes in sunlight while we humans go absolutely berserk and sometimes go into 'depression' over lack there of?
Isn't it funny that the sun we see now is the same one we share with the other 7 billion people on this planet? Why can't we do that with everything else?
(Yes, I know all these questions have scientific answers, but sometimes we just need to let ourselves marvel at things)
If we have a sun, that must mean there are a million other suns, and stars and moons and planets and galaxies and we're literally a speck (like the who's!) floating amidst this massive universe...
We live in such a beautiful world. Einstein I believe it was that said that the more he studied the universe the more he believed in a higher power...which is so true. That morning I couldn't help but just sit in complete awe and reverence of our creator...He is so powerful that He merely SPOKE and we get this beautiful world. He is the master artist and this is all but a tiny bit of a reflection of who He is which must mean He is so much greater and more beautiful than I could ever fathom... mind=blown...
Like why is everything the color that it is? Why aren't trees blue and skies green? A week ago I was running and I saw some wildflowers in the forest so I walked into the forest and everything there lives in this total perfect harmony...
Don't you love the beauty of everything when it rains? Trees look like they're covered in crystals, pavement shines like silver (Les Mis, yo), and the blanket of gray above makes everything so much cozier? I'm rain's biggest fan. Like right now. It is pouring outside and I wanna go run barefoot in it so badly but I'll refrain since its 1 am...
The oceans...when I think about the absolute massiveness of the oceans I have to stop thinking before I kinda start to lose it...isn't it crazy that there are depths we have yet to go? The oceans are always moving...they fill us with wonder while we stare from the shoreline but can destroy us with their power in the blink of an eye. And isn't it true that most of the world's animal species reside in the ocean? These are probably reasons why so many people write songs about the ocean...its so mysterious and that's cheesy but so true...
But from ocean depths we go to the heights of mountains...and you stand on top and look down and feel like you're a part of it all...living here in NC the Blue Ridge Parkway is where it's at..and theyre also so massive and remind me how small I am, like literally...
All of this is interconnected in perfect rhythms.....and my mind wants to explode thinking about the fact that the human race is lucky to experience life on such a beautiful planet....I'm done, gonna go hug a tree now cause why not.
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