bridges.

It's 3 am, pretty insomniatic, drinking entirely too much coffee in attempts to trek through this assignment. I should be asleep right now. But I'm not...and out of this another of my late night rants is born. 

The other day I was listening to Hillsong's "All I Need is You" while on the Q train which gives you this beautiful view of the city since it goes over the bridge between BK and the city...that was irrelevant information. Anyways. The song says: 

"All I need is You...all I need is you, Lord. 

....You hold the universe; you hold everyone on earth."

These past couple weeks in New York have been [insert adjective for hooray and surprising and stressing here]. I just don't know. I am in awe and in a total lack of words at God's grace and goodness towards me...like honestly, why do I deserve any of this? It's pretty mindblowing when I think about the fact that the very God who spoke all of this into being- the Almighty, the God who oversees it all, has the time in his massive agenda to take care of the needs of an individual like myself. I am completely humbled by just how great His love for me is...and I can boast about his love for me because it is unfailing. My love for Him on the other hand...it fails sometimes. 

I really have been thinking lately about how if I think about it, He really is all I need. It's funny because living in New York there is a constant puppet show of the material and "satisfying" dangling in your face- there is always a new sweater to buy, a good dinner, a good show, a good time, or anything your flesh desires all available to you at the price of some cold, hard, cash. AHAH and get this! You can get all these things, and at the end of the day, it all comes back to bite you, kinda, except not really, because it's all temporary and so fleeting. It's so empty. And I always find that God is sufficient. That what he offers us is forever, and completely free. That his love is enough to cover all our needs, to heal our loneliness and heartache, to set our souls completely free from all of these earthly things. Isn't it ironic how mankind tries to free themselves by the very things that end up enslaving them? And how mankind looks for satisfaction via the temporary? I honestly don't know where I'm going with this blog post. I just want and really hunger for something more than cash can buy. I long for something bigger than myself and this system. I long for the bridge I can't burn down. 

Maybe I need to sleep. 

thought catalog

I'm being super boring and doing laundry and sitting at home on a friday night in Brooklyn.

Anyways. Yet again, this is just another blog post of me rambling (in bullet form this time!) to try and make sense of things.

Thought Catalog...

1. Why is the rent so high here? You're killing me BK... 

2. Yesterday in class we had to write an essay based off of some chick's quote saying how reading was a great invention and such....why do we read? How does our mind make sense of symbols that translate into sounds -> words-> languages, etc. Fascinating really. 

3. New York, you are a straaange little padawan. How can you make me so exhausted yet inspire me like no other all at once? 

4. Working on the Upper East Side makes me glad I'm not rich...I would hate to be an entitled snob. And these kids? Forget it. I wanna smack 77.3% of them upside the head. No I can't make sure your panini is toasted in patterns. Like are you forreal. 

5. Why is it that this place is making me apathetic and sympathetic all at once? The other day on the subway, this man was desperate for help...and something in me knew that he was forreal and not just a phony. And as I reached into my pocket to see what I could offer him...I just sat there. I didn't do anything. Why am I trapped in this body? The apostle Paul was right...it's a horrible thing to be made of good heart but of human nature. and I need to realize that I won't accomplish anything until I can manage to control the very thing that paralyzes my giving sometime..whatever that may be. 

6. I sat with a homeless man the other day and gave him a granola bar (I had no cash and it was all I had). I have never seen anyone so happy and thankful. BOOM ROASTED, what a smack in the face. I can be so ungrateful at times...like God why do you give me all of this when I don't deserve it? You are too good. Thank you for teaching me everyday. 

7. Everytime I start to worry about anything- how fiscally poor I am, how much sleep I lack, how stressed I am, etc, it is always quickly overshadowed by the fact that God is just so much greater than all of it. Luke 11. I am indeed more valuable than the birds, and yes he will take care of me. He has until now- why would I worry now? 

8. Why do old men hit on girls my age? like...do you even know how old I am..? #smh 

9. Have you noticed that as routine as sunrises and sunsets are, each and every single one is different? God is super creative...he is either a) having artsy time in heaven or b) showing us all a glimpse of his beauty. Perhaps I'm a bit of a romantic...but something about sunsets. 

10. I've been dwelling on a lot on 1 Peter 1:6-9 lately...it makes everything make sense. 

11. I walk around this city, and I see so many people that look put together and are constantly searching for a fix to anything really- a situation, exhaustion, hunger, sorrow. Ironic how man tries to find a a permanent fix via the temporary. Thankful that God and his joy is the same, all day, err day, forever...and just an ounce of it floods me with peace and joy that I really have no words for. Webster can't even handle this. 

Well, anyways.