the song and dance

So I stumbled upon the following earlier and it reaaaaaally got me thinking (please watch it):

If I'm honest with myself, I've always been a free spirit. I've always gone with my gut for the most part and I wanna to roam along life. I've always known that I can't stay in one place, whether physically or mentally. After I watched this...how flawed is our society's notion of 'success'? Mr. Watts likens life to a musical composition- the end isn't the focal point. (I feel like the end point of music is always like a summation or a continuation- and isn't life like that too?) But sadly, we've been taught to work for that end goal of money, success, etc and who even knows what that end is for sure! It's never been guaranteed but somehow the school-> college -> job, etc model is the one that's socially accepted...and don't get me wrong, I have nothing against education at all, I believe its fully essential to our world, but something in me thinks that it isn't for everyone. Like some of us weren't built to follow that socially acceptable model- some of us have different paths and we need to realize that that's totally okay too because we can still contribute to this society... and because in the end all that matters is that we 'sang and danced while the music was being played.'

 I would hate to wake up when I'm 40 and feel disillusioned wondering if this job after years and years of training was it and I feel like I wouldn't be happy with my job then if I was forced to decide on something with my 20-some mental state. Like I feel like we are supposed to change...even if its just a little bit because we're supposed to be constantly learning and again, I know some people have callings and things they are made to do, but we can't brainwash everyone into thinking that it's the corporate ladder or bust.

I probably write this because I'm 20 and these are the years that I'm supposed to be fighting it out and growing and I have to allow myself to continually grow instead of being like, okay, this is the goal and we cant change it and you have to do it because your family said so/ its financial security/ it looks good.

Life is a song and dance...we're supposed to enjoy it while we're in the moment, not rush through it and finally see what we missed in those previous measure when we're at the end.

I really like that analogy. Life is a song. And none of this makes sense...

mind islands

For the most part, I'm a huge people person but lately I feel like I just can't connect with people and it may be because of my location, my age, and other factors but I feel like mainly this is because I'm finally starting to be honest with myself. It's not that I feel lonely or anything but I just feel isolated in a way. Everyone I know has at least one thing in their life that they're doing to please someone but I have just stopped caring and I am now doing things that I want because I want them and that may be selfish but its the most freeing thing ever. Like I travel because I want to, I create things because I like them (as a musician, this has helped me immensely because sometimes our good tastes don't allow us to create what we want because we don't think its as good as what were listening to) I wear what I want because I feel good in it, etc. Yeah, I'm a weirdo. Yeah, I have a different way of seeing things. But it's how I see them and I was given these eyes so I could see the world myself the way I want to. I think we all need to stop comparing ourselves because we don't realize how much we are robbing ourselves of being the best 'me' we can be by looking at those around us. (That doesn't mean I don't draw inspiration from others..ah I'm confusing myself now) I'm being honest to me, and I have honestly never been happier in my life, and this is such a narcissistic blog post but whatever.

the last song

#Boredom.

I've been hit with quite the cold so I haven't left my house since Sunday..anyways.

I love me a good album closer. I'm a sucker for epic, bombastic ones too. And for a while I've been wanting to compile a list of my favorite ones. I like making lists.

So, here we go. In no particular order. (With videos! Most of them being live performances because live performances RULE)

#10: Death and All His Friends- Coldplay (Album: Viva la Vida)

"I don't wanna battle from beginning to end/ I don't wanna cycle on recycled revenge/ I don't wanna follow death and all of his friends"
Chris Martin sings this at the top of his lungs, and those words speak volumes about our innate goodness...beautiful album closer. Musically, I love all the dynamics in here, that riff in the middle that makes you feel loss and beauty all at once.


#9: The Suburbs (Continued)- Arcade Fire (Album: The Suburbs) 

"If I could have it back/ All the time that we wasted/ I'd only waste it again/...
Sometimes I can't believe it/ I'm moving past the feeling..."
It's a minute and a half long but there is no other song really that embodies nostalgia as well as this one. I will probably listen to this on my porch when I'm 67 and cry and remember how much fun I had 'wasting time' while I was young. Great end to a great concept album.


#8: Friend of Ours- Elbow (Album: The Seldom Seen Kid) 

"Never very good at goodbyes/ so gentle, shoulder charge/ love you mate."
You can just feel Guy Garvey's pain when he sings this. This song also helped a mourning of mine as well...but this song is just so beautiful. Thank you England for giving us Elbow.

#7: Louise Louisa- Mew (Album: And the Glass Handed Kites) 

"I'm a car/ I don't know where we are headed for/ Stay with me/ don't want to be alone"
First of all, Mew is the king of album closers. They're all so good! But this one is amazing. Another ending to a concept album (this album is one continual piece really) but THIS. SONG. The drum solo (at the 3 minute mark!), the floating vocals. The end, especially in this performance of it, literally leaves me in tears because its so beautiful. God Bless Denmark.


#6: City of Black and White- Mat Kearney (Album: City of Black and White) 

"I don't wanna wait until tomorrow/ to tell you how I'll feel the rest of my life"
In all honesty, I love the song, but the outro (3:45 to the end) is too epic for words. I remember one time listening to this while sitting on my roof when I was still living in Brooklyn and it was one of those magical moments. Looking out at the best city in the world with this chance-esque music playing. Beautiful.

#5: Where I Belong- Switchfoot (Album: Vice Verses) 

"This body's not my own/ This world is not my home"
Musically, this song is a little bland, but lyrically, OH MY this song has single handedly made me wanna get tatted up. Because I wanna take these words to my grave. IMO, one of the best songs ever written, I'm glad we don't belong to this world and we are all waiting for the world where we do belong. I love also how the ending of this song is a reprise of the first track, bringing the album full circle. Well done, boys.

#4: Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks- The National (Album: High Violet) 

"Vanderlyle, crybaby cry/ Man it's all been forgiving/ Swans are a swimmin'/ I'll explain everything to the geeks"
Nothing short of a bombastic, grandiose ending. I love this band way too much. But this song is a perfect way to close this album. Enough said. Sorry about the dramatic beach video.

#3: Daisy- Switchfoot (Album: Nothing is Sound) 

"Let it go/ Daisy, let it go/ Open up your fist/ This fallen world/ Doesn't hold your interest/ Doesn't hold your soul/ Daisy, let it go"
The above mentioned are probably some of my favorite lyrics ever written. This song is purely poetic and I love the acoustic building into a very rock and roll ending..perfect for the rainy days, and probs one of my favorite album closers ever, to my favorite album by this band.

#2: Paper Route- Calm My Soul (Album: The Peace of Wild Things) 

"In dust my ribs were formed/ and I'll return again/...Calm my soul."
Just watch that link above. What an underrated band, what a voice,what a lyric, what a song. I love that these guys poetically express what they believe without that 'christian' label. And I love JT's break from his chest to head voice..ahh. This song sounds a lot like what my prayers sound like..and like the song says, life and our consequent actions leave us no other choice but to ask God to calm our souls.

#1: Comforting Sounds- Mew (Album: Frengers) 

"I don't feel alright/ In spite of these comforting sounds you make."
I highly encourage you to watch the video above because it is PERFECTION- better than the album version. I know I said in no particular order, but this is my favorite album closer EVER. It's perfect. The build is perfect...and its like 9 minutes long but this song takes me there, and wherever that is is pure bliss. The lyric is so honest- we've all been there before. This song is a tranquilizer for my soul. The melody is so simple yet so powerful, and it makes me feel things I've never felt before in a good way. I'm gonna stop being a sap now and go listen to this..again. Long live Mew.

revisiting the bucket list.

Guess what? I can't sleep. Surprise.

I wrote this bucket list like 5 years ago...had the guts to put it on social media about three years ago. (And I think this list would be slightly different if I wrote it today) Firstly, what have I managed to cross off, and second, what am I really doing with my life?

I honestly don't know what it was but this last trip to Texas I took changed the way I saw a lot of things for some inexplicable reason, so I'm reshuffling my cards.

Anyways.

(color=newly crossed off items)

What do I wanna do before I die?

1.     Ride a rollercoaster.

2.     Live in new york city. ( (been there done that, like a boss. best risk/choice EVER)

3.     Write an album.

4.   Strike up conversation with a stranger.(thanks NYC, i did this way too many times late at night coming home from work on the train)

5.     Perform a duet with Jon Foreman. Or anyone awesome like that.

6.     See Coldplay in concert. (Thanks Ian!)

7.     Go to India’s red light district in efforts to reduce human trafficking.

8.     Swim freely in the open ocean.

9.     See the northern lights.

10. Make the most baller sandwich ever.(Too bad I didn't photograph it!)

11. Fall in love or be happily alone.

12. Get over my fear of heights.  (Thanks apartment rooftop! It's getting better.) 

13. Help build a house.

14.  Get a college degree.

15. Donate blood.

16. Be in a protest.(That one time I protested for Trayvon Martin in Union Square in NYC)

17.  Give a stranger a substantial amount of money.

18. Host a charity event instead of an birthday party.

19. Live in nature for a week.

20. Climb a mountain.(Thank Appalachian mountains!)

21. Tour with a good band.

22. Give my parents a month’s worth of rent.

23. Adopt a child.

24. See a sunset on the west coast.

25. Volunteer my holidays at a soup kitchen.

26. House a homeless person.(My family did this sometime last year and BOY was it eye opening.)

27. Be on Ellen!

28. Start a non profit organization.

29. Run a marathon…maybe shorter than.

30.  Throw a surprise birthday party for someone.

31. Float in the dead sea.

32. Go scuba diving in a pacific island.

33. Live in australiaaa!

34. Write an important article for an important place.

35. Have a deep conversation with a stranger.(Kinda like #4, but that one time I sat on the sidewalk on the corner of W51 and 6th with a 20 some homeless girl and her dog. One of the best chats I've ever had.)

36. Meet a holocaust survivor.

37. Become friends with an autistic kid.  (My cousin, who was recently diagnosed. He is AWESOME) 

38. Volunteer at a nursing home. (This was heartbreaking. This lady literally said "thanks for remembering us". I cried the whole ride home that day and swore I'd never put my parents in one.)

39. Have the guts to ask the best guy ever out. Whoever that will be.

40. Sing the national anthem at a major game.

41. Learn to breakdance.

42. Visit a prison.

43. Trade places with someone.

44. Literally weave a basket underwater.

45. See a concentration camp firsthand.

46. Own a Martin guitar.

47. Direct a children’s choir.

48. See a surgery being performed.  (That one time I had knee surgery) 

49. See many saved by the amazing love of Jesus! (:

50. Bring the Cowboys Chicken Club back.

51. Tell someone exactly how I feel about them- good or bad.(Had to really do it once. Haters gonna hate.)

52. Play a Steinway grand piano…a black one.(The people at my local piano retailer literally called me to let me know they had gotten one in. I didn't wanna leave.)

53. Host a walk for a cause.

54. Be nominated for a major award.

55. Write a book.

56. Start the #1 trending twitter topic.

57. Go to New York fashion week.

58. Be in two places at once.

59. Swim the ocean while its raining/storming.

60. Attend a Super Bowl

61. Have coffee with Jon Foreman.

62. Perform at Carnegie Hall. Or maybe just watch a performance there.(Pink Martini. 12/14/12. Thanks Ian!)

63. Break a world record.

64. Be a telemarketer for a day.

65. Write a song that someone else wishes they wrote.

66. Dye my hair a different color. (Funny, my hairs been red for almost 3 years now)

67. Donate an organ.

68. Learn to surf.

69. Help deliver a baby.  (One of the babies at my church. It was shocking, but a reminder of what a MIRACLE life is) 

70. Run a small business.

71. Throw a huge, crazy party.(I think my Cinco de Mayo fest last year counts. Lots of random people showed up, laughs were had, way too many drinks were had, and my apartment looked like 13 hurricanes and 4 wars had been fought. Yeah.)

72. Choreograph a dance with a large amount of people.

73. Party with a rockstar.

74. Drive a tractor through a city.

75. Host a conference on simple living, against mindless cosumption.

76. Do something that someone says I can’t.

77. Invite an atheist to church.(A coworker of mine in NYC. Twas interesting.)

78. Scream really loud in a library.

79. Pretend to be a hobo.

80. Organize a flash mob.

81. Sing in a subway station. (59th and Lex, NQR train platform. Started singing along with the violinist playing there.) 

82. Audition for a Broadway Musical.

83. Attend the inauguration of a president.

84. Be a zookeeper for a day.

85. Experience exotic cultures.(I lived in NYC. I saw everyone and everything.)

86. Ride an elephant.

87. Live on a ranch.

88. Fulfill someone’s final wish.

89. Pay for someone’s groceries.

90. Go to an Olympic opening ceremony.

91. Walk the road to Calvary in Jerusalem.

92. Find a couple that’s had cheating issues and say something about it at their wedding when the priest says “speak now or forever hold your peace.”

93. Learn a third language.

94. Do missionary work wherever.

95. Have something named after me.

96. Take a kid on a toy shopping spree.

97. Skydive.

98. Help solve a crime.

99. Own an exotic pet.

100. Change someone’s life.